Stolen bat

Some loser just stole the flying bat off of our front porch! We bought that thing when we first moved to CA in 1999. You may remember--it flew in jerky circles and the eyes lit up.
There is this presumption that theft is less common in the flyover region of the US. The other day, some woman in the locker room actually said to me:"Don't worry about someone stealing your bathing suit--this is the midwest." However, I would like to point out that this bat was flying around our front porch for many years when we were living next to a meth lab/stolen car emporium/homeless hangout in Rubidoux, CA, and no one touched it.
In contrast, I grew up in Cleveland and recall that pretty much every cool thing that I had ended up stolen. On the first day of kindergarten, my gym shoes with the rainbow laces were stolen (before I even wore them once). My first bike was stolen the first time I rode it anywhere (and it was locked up on a busy street!), and my first jeans jacket (the only enviable piece of clothing I owned) was stolen days after I got it.
We have replaced the flying bat with a spider that is matted and missing a leg due to Argos. Steal that!